Oh yeah...

--Layer One: On the Outside
Name:: Felicia

Birthday:: April 19, 1991
School:: Indiana University
Major:: Music Education- Harp
Minor:: Horn Performance??
Current Location:: basement
Hair Color:: dirty blonde
Eye Color:: brown
Righty or Lefty:: righty
Zodiac Sign:: aries

--Layer Two: On the Inside
Your Heritage:: polish and such
Weakness:: baby animals
Goals:: finish college
Regrets:: I don't like to linger on the past, it distracts from the NOW! <3
Change one thing about your life: My bitter sarcasm
Relieve Stress: coloring
Hardest thing ever dealt with:: right now
Things that upsets you:: people mistreating me when I in no way deserve it
Vent about something:: no thank you

--Layer Three: Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up:: hello sun
Your bedtime:: whenever I feel like it
Your most missed memory:: dunno

--Layer Four: You're picking
Pepsi or Coke:: coke
McDonald's or Burger King:: McD's
Single or Group dates:: I don't know either
Lipton Tea or Nestea?: neither
Chocolate or Vanilla:: chocolate
Cappuccino or Coffee:: neither

--Layer Five: Do You
Do Drugs:: nope
Have a crush:: yes
Think you've been in love:: idk
Want to get married:: i guess
Believe in yourself:: not often
Think you're a health freak:: no

--Layer Six: In the Past Month
Drank alcohol:: no
Gone to the mall:: yes
Eaten Sushi:: nope
Gone skating:: nope
Dyed your hair:: nope
Done something exciting:: i suppose

--Layer Seven: Have You Ever
Played a stripping game:: No
Gotten beaten up:: No
Changed who you were to fit in:: no
Hid something from someone:: yes

--Layer Eight: Getting Old
Age you're hoping to be married:: whenever
Age to start having children:: after marriage
Want to travel to:: places away from here

--Layer Nine: Perfect Mate
Best Eye Color:: whatever works
Best Hair Color:: whatevers
Short or Long Hair:: short

--Layer Ten: What were you doing...
1 minute ago:: watching tv
1 hour ago:: driving home
1 day ago:: sizing ppl for uniforms at QO
1 year ago:: getting ready for senior prom

--Layer Eleven: Finish the Sentence
I LOVE:: showers
I FEEL:: lonely
I HATE:: being so cynical 
I MISS:: indiana
I NEED:: this house to sell!!!

I like survey's. They kill time that I should be practicing in...

1. This survey gets a little personal can you handle it?
Uh, I guess so, I don't have anything to hide. 

2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
Smith

3. Have you talked to a complete jerk today?
Not today

4. Do you think teenagers can be in love?
Yes, I believe it is a possibility. 

5. Is it easy to make you cry?
You have to know just the right nerve to hit, and I'm helpless

6. Do you find it hard to trust others?
very much so

7. How fast does your mood change?
instantaneously

8. Do you have someone of the opposite gender you can tell everything to?
nope

9. What would happen if you had a baby with the last person you kissed?
I would be extremely concerned

10. Do you know anyone named Joshua?
I do

11. What are you doing tomorrow?
teaching a lesson

12. Have you ever broken someone's heart?
I don't know

13. Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now?
I would like to be, but it is very doubtful

14. Did anyone see you kiss the last person you kissed?
yes

15. Have you ever kissed someone who was over 17?
I have

16. Who was the last person to look at you like you were crazy?
I can't remember

17. Is there someone you don't ever want to be out of your life?
Not really

18. Is there a person of the opposite gender who means a lot to you?
Not especially

19. When do you do something you know is wrong?
I don't really think about making a consciously wrong decision

20. Do you hate the last guy/girl you had a thing with?
I'd rather not answer that

21. Who was the last person you cried in front of?
I think it was Julia, that was months ago. No one is ever around to cry in front of now, so I cry to my bedroom walls. 

22. Interested in anyone at the moment?
no

23. Have best friends?
yeah

24. Are you on medication for anything?
yes

25. Have you ever liked someone older than you?
yes

26. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
I guess you could say that

27. Have you ever been a gymnast or a cheerleader?
nope

28. Do you enjoy watching football?
It depends

29. Have you ever kissed someone in a vehicle?
yes

30. Are you a forgiving person?
too much so

31. Do you like hugs?
no, not really

32. Will your next kiss be a mistake?
nope

33. Do you care if people hate you for no reason?
I'm too used to it by now

34. Are you more of a serious or funny person?
serious

35. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
Yeah, fat chance

36. Do you ignore people when you're mad/ upset?
yes

37. Do you get distracted easily?
Somewhat

38. Is it easier to forgive or forget?
I can't pick one over the other

39. Last person you talked to?
My AI for ear training

40. Can you handle the truth?
I can

100 Things

I thought this was kinda funny

1.Last beverage→ Water
2. Last phone call→ Dad, i think
3. Last text message→ Jodi
4. Last song you listened to→ I hope you dance
5. Last time you cried→ Last week I think
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice → No
7. Been cheated on?→ I doubt it
8. Kissed someone & regretted it→ No
9. Lost someone special?→ I guess
10. Been depressed?→ Yes
11. Been drunk? → Nope

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Pink
13. Brown
14. Turquoise

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends → Yes
16. Fallen out of love → Don't you have to be in love to fall out of it?
17. Laughed until you cried → No
18. Met someone who changed you→ Yes
19. Found out who your true friends were→ Yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you→ No
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ No
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → All of them
23. How many kids do you want to have→ 3
24. Do you have any pets → No
25. Do you want to change your name→ No
26. What did you do for your last birthday→ Nothing
27. What time did you wake up today → 10 am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night→ Watching Man from Snowy River
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for → The day someone actually asks me out
30. Last time you saw your father → January
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → Weigh less
32. What are you listening to right now → 10 things I hate about you in the background
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → I think so
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? → Nothing really
36. Whats your real name → Felicia Brooke Wisniewski
37. Relationship Status → Single as ever
38. Zodiac sign→ Aries
39. Male or female→ Female
40. Elementary→ Darnestown
41. Middle School → Ridgeview
42. High school→ QO
43. Hair color → brownish blondish
44. Long or short → Short
45. Height → 5'6
46. Do you have a crush on someone → Indeed I do
47. What do you like about yourself?→ Not many things
48. Piercings → 2
49. Tattoos → Definitely not
50. Righty or lefty → Right

FIRSTS :
51. First surgery → Feet
52. First piercing → Ears
53. First tattoo → N/A
54. First best friends → 1st grade
55. First sport you joined → Ballet
56. First pet → Hamster
57. First vacation remembered→ Sea World
58. First concert → N/A
59. First crush→ I believe it was someone named Michael in 1st grade, I don't remember
60. First alcohol drink→ N/A

RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating → Nothing
62. Drinking → Nothing
63. I'm about to → Inhale, then exhale
64. Listening to → Didn't I already answer this? 10 things I hate about you
65. Waiting for → Again, didn't I already do this? To actually be asked out

YOUR FUTURE :
66. Want kids? I think I do, not sure
67. Want to get married? I suppose
68. Careers in mind? I wanna teach high school band

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE opposite or same SEX?
69. Lips or eyes → Eyes
70. Hugs or kisses → I have nothing to compare for kisses, so I'm gonna go with hugs
71. Shorter or taller → Taller
72. Older or Younger → Older
73. Romantic or spontaneous → If both could be together, that would be nice
74. Nice stomach or nice arms → who cares?
75. Tattoos or piercings→ Neither
76. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive
77. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship
78. Trouble maker or hesitant→ uh, i don't know
HAVE YOU EVER :
79. Kissed a stranger → No
80. Drank hard liquor → No
81. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes
83. Broken someone's heart → I don't know
84. Had your own heart broken → Yes
85. Been arrested?→ No
86. Turned someone down → No
87. Cried when someone died → No
88. Liked a friend that is a girl? → No

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself → Sometimes
90. Miracles → Yes
91. Love at first sight → No
92. Heaven → Yes
93. Santa Claus → I'm gonna go with no
94. Kissing on the first date? → Idk
95. Angels → yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → No
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever?→ Yes
99. What's the one thing (not a person) that you cannot live without? → Music
100. Posting this as 100 Truths?→ Not really

Pain

Have you ever been in so much pain, to the point where it hurts to breathe, and it needs to be fixed, because you can't concentrate. And then, when you're trying to figure out what's the right medicine to take, the thing that will let you breathe and laugh and sing again, you find your medicine cabinet to be completely empty. There is nothing you have to help you. So, you suffer. 

I don't remember what it means to feel joy. I can't remember the last time I was truly and completely happy. I look at pictures over the months, and the smile on my face doesn't reach my eyes, and certainly not my heart. I want so badly to feel that utter happiness again, but I can't find it in anything. 

It's hard for me to figure, because, as opposed to other times in my life, when I have been very unhappy, it's only lasted a few weeks, at most a month, and at that time, everything fell apart. My grades suffered, my music suffered, I got sick, and other things. This time around, my grades are better than they've been my whole life, I am progressing quite well in my music, and I'm less sick that I've ever been in my life. The only thing that's not in order is that I'm so miserable all the time. I'm at a loss of what to do. 

The little things, that aren't so little.

So, I've been having a pretty messed up weekend. Not bad, not good, but like, i can't get a handle on it and it's really frustrating and depressing. I decided that I would take the time alone and try to restore the room to something that is actually functional, seeing as it got a bit trashed over the last week or so. It doesn't look that bad, but like I said, I can't get a handle on things, I just wanted to tidy up a bit to see if it helped. I didn't get extraordinarily far though. 

I managed to start my laundry, seeing as I only have about a 2 1/2 weeks supply of clothes, and I'm going on about 20 days since I did laundry. Once that was done, I swept the carpet off and started cleaning off my desk shelf, which I haven't really done in a while. It's not dirty, just a little more cluttered than I want. I ran across the DVD of Girl's Camp from this past summer. 

There must be some sort of magic that comes from a slideshow. Or maybe it's the combination of a slideshow and the pictures being of girl's camp. I don't know, but I do know that my weekend seems to make more sense now. It's such a little thing, a little DVD, the movie being barely over 20 minutes long, but at the same time, it's such a big thing. I can't wait to get to go back to girl's camp again this year. It's going to be amazing. I just hope they let me keep coming and coming so I can take pictures and make more slideshows. 

Disney Princess Hilarity

Cinderella
[ ] One of your parents is dead
[ ] You are expected to do a lot of chores
[x] You love to dress up
[x] You love animals
[x] You are waiting patiently for your Prince Charming
[ ]Your mom is really strict
[x] You have sisters who seem kind of jealous of you
[x] You’re afraid to speak your mind sometimes
[x] You have left your shoes at a friend’s house before
[ ] You have blonde hair
TOTAL: 6

Belle
[x] You’ve kissed someone your friends didn’t like
[x] You’ve been lost in the forest
[x] You love to read
[ ] You are not shy at all, and not afraid to speak your mind
[x] One of your family members is a bit weird
[x] You have done volunteer work
[x] You have a wild imagination
[x] You love to take care of people in need
[ ] You’ve had guys like you only because they think you’re pretty
[ ] You’ve rejected at least one person when they’ve asked you out
TOTAL: 7

Jasmine
[ ] Your dad is very rich/important
[x] You are very clever
[ ] You’ve been with someone way different from you
[x] You’re unique and different from everyone else
[x] You’d never marry someone just because they were rich
[x] You have set a lot of goals for yourself
[ ] You don’t have a lot of friends
[x] You’re independent
[ ] You are wealthy
[ ] Your parents try to control your life
TOTAL: 5

Ariel
[x] Your parents expect a lot from you
[x] You really try to follow the rules, but it’s hard for you
[ ] You’re a bit of a trouble maker
[x] You’re the youngest in your family or in the last 2
[ ] You have a lot of sisters
[x] You collect something
[x] You have/had long, hair
[x] You have/had a pet fish
[x] You’re extremely curious
[ ] You believe everything people tell you/you’re a bit gullible
TOTAL: 7

Snow White
[ ] You know that you’re beautiful
[ ] Sometimes it seems like your mom is jealous of you
[ ] You’ve almost been killed
[x] You have at least seven good friends
[x] You’ve had food poisoning
[x] You have/had short hair
[x] You get along with almost everyone
[x] All of your friends are different
[x] You love to have a good time
[x] You’re happier when you’re out of the house than in
TOTAL: 7

Mulan
[x] You can be a tomboy sometimes.
[x] People wish you could be a bit more girly
[x] You’ve pretended to be someone you’re not
[x] You’ve had a physical fight with someone
[x] You have/had considered running away from home
[ ] Your parents try to plan your life out
[x] A lot of your friends are boys 
[x] You sometimes find yourself in bad situations
[x] You love your family so much that you’d do anything to protect them
TOTAL: 7

Aurora
[ ] You live/have lived with someone other than your parents
[ ] You almost died at a very young age
[x] You are gentle, loving, and/or thoughtful
[x] You have a decent singing voice
[x] You like to sleep in late on the weekends
[ ] You spend most of your time outside
[ ] You’re adopted
[x] You’re very romantic
TOTAL: 4

Pocahontas
[x] You love to walk around and explore big cities
[ ] You are more spiritual than religious
[ ] You’ve been in an interracial relationship
[x] One of your family members is dead (dad, uncle, aunt, grandpa, etc.)
[x] Your parents are very protective of you
[x]Someone you know has been in war
[x]You love nature
[ ] You have/had black hair
[x]You would love to move somewhere exotic and beautiful
[x] You’re very adventurous
TOTAL:6

My whiteboard

The whiteboard on the outside of my door is very dear to me. I've had it up all year since I got here for band camp. It's only held on to the door by those command picture hangers. Essentially, it's just like Velcro. So, over these many months, it's been stolen twice. The first time, I came home from the sleepover at Julia's before the Purdue game just to grab a few things before going to hundred hall. I saw that the board was gone, leaving just the little strips on the door looking quite sad and lonely. I put a post-it note up on the door saying, "Felicia misses her whiteboard". It stayed like that for about 3 or 4 days, and then someone knocked on my door and was like, I think I know where your whiteboard is. I think it's in the Curry lounge. Curry is the guys wing right next to mine. He went over and found it for me, and other than the marker being missing that had been taped to it and a few cracks, it was totally fine. I told him I was grateful for letting me know. Apparently, Friday night, a group of guys got completely wasted and trashed the lounges in the hub of the building, which is where I live. I guess that's something guys like to do when they're drunk. So, needless to say, I did get my board back, taped a new marker to it, and put it back up on the door so it looked good again.

The second time my board was stolen was about 10 minutes ago. I know what it sounds like when someone writes on the board, and I don't mind people doing that, because there's nothing they can write that wont come off somehow. This was not that sound. It was clear that it had been pulled off the door. I was just sitting here, minding my business. So I got up, opened the door, and there were about 6 or 7 guys in the hallway going into our lounge which is right across from my door. I like to think I'm a generally nice person and such, but I'm pretty sure my face looked like I was going to kill because the guy holding my whiteboard dropped it and started running. The whole place reeeeeks! I don't want to go outside because it smells bad. I generally like living in the hub because it's quiet, but on nights like this, it's very annoying, because drunk guys aren't usually smart enough to unlock the doors to get out of the hub, so the place gets trashed. O well. No big. I just brought the board inside for now. In it's place, I put another post-it note that says, "You're idiots". I hope they read it and get mad. Haha.