100 Things

I thought this was kinda funny

1.Last beverage→ Water
2. Last phone call→ Dad, i think
3. Last text message→ Jodi
4. Last song you listened to→ I hope you dance
5. Last time you cried→ Last week I think
HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice → No
7. Been cheated on?→ I doubt it
8. Kissed someone & regretted it→ No
9. Lost someone special?→ I guess
10. Been depressed?→ Yes
11. Been drunk? → Nope

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Pink
13. Brown
14. Turquoise

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends → Yes
16. Fallen out of love → Don't you have to be in love to fall out of it?
17. Laughed until you cried → No
18. Met someone who changed you→ Yes
19. Found out who your true friends were→ Yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you→ No
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ No
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → All of them
23. How many kids do you want to have→ 3
24. Do you have any pets → No
25. Do you want to change your name→ No
26. What did you do for your last birthday→ Nothing
27. What time did you wake up today → 10 am
28. What were you doing at midnight last night→ Watching Man from Snowy River
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for → The day someone actually asks me out
30. Last time you saw your father → January
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → Weigh less
32. What are you listening to right now → 10 things I hate about you in the background
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → I think so
34. What's getting on your nerves right now? → Nothing really
36. Whats your real name → Felicia Brooke Wisniewski
37. Relationship Status → Single as ever
38. Zodiac sign→ Aries
39. Male or female→ Female
40. Elementary→ Darnestown
41. Middle School → Ridgeview
42. High school→ QO
43. Hair color → brownish blondish
44. Long or short → Short
45. Height → 5'6
46. Do you have a crush on someone → Indeed I do
47. What do you like about yourself?→ Not many things
48. Piercings → 2
49. Tattoos → Definitely not
50. Righty or lefty → Right

FIRSTS :
51. First surgery → Feet
52. First piercing → Ears
53. First tattoo → N/A
54. First best friends → 1st grade
55. First sport you joined → Ballet
56. First pet → Hamster
57. First vacation remembered→ Sea World
58. First concert → N/A
59. First crush→ I believe it was someone named Michael in 1st grade, I don't remember
60. First alcohol drink→ N/A

RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating → Nothing
62. Drinking → Nothing
63. I'm about to → Inhale, then exhale
64. Listening to → Didn't I already answer this? 10 things I hate about you
65. Waiting for → Again, didn't I already do this? To actually be asked out

YOUR FUTURE :
66. Want kids? I think I do, not sure
67. Want to get married? I suppose
68. Careers in mind? I wanna teach high school band

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE opposite or same SEX?
69. Lips or eyes → Eyes
70. Hugs or kisses → I have nothing to compare for kisses, so I'm gonna go with hugs
71. Shorter or taller → Taller
72. Older or Younger → Older
73. Romantic or spontaneous → If both could be together, that would be nice
74. Nice stomach or nice arms → who cares?
75. Tattoos or piercings→ Neither
76. Sensitive or loud → Sensitive
77. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship
78. Trouble maker or hesitant→ uh, i don't know
HAVE YOU EVER :
79. Kissed a stranger → No
80. Drank hard liquor → No
81. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes
83. Broken someone's heart → I don't know
84. Had your own heart broken → Yes
85. Been arrested?→ No
86. Turned someone down → No
87. Cried when someone died → No
88. Liked a friend that is a girl? → No

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself → Sometimes
90. Miracles → Yes
91. Love at first sight → No
92. Heaven → Yes
93. Santa Claus → I'm gonna go with no
94. Kissing on the first date? → Idk
95. Angels → yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
96. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes
97. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → No
98. Do you believe its possible to remain faithful forever?→ Yes
99. What's the one thing (not a person) that you cannot live without? → Music
100. Posting this as 100 Truths?→ Not really

Pain

Have you ever been in so much pain, to the point where it hurts to breathe, and it needs to be fixed, because you can't concentrate. And then, when you're trying to figure out what's the right medicine to take, the thing that will let you breathe and laugh and sing again, you find your medicine cabinet to be completely empty. There is nothing you have to help you. So, you suffer. 

I don't remember what it means to feel joy. I can't remember the last time I was truly and completely happy. I look at pictures over the months, and the smile on my face doesn't reach my eyes, and certainly not my heart. I want so badly to feel that utter happiness again, but I can't find it in anything. 

It's hard for me to figure, because, as opposed to other times in my life, when I have been very unhappy, it's only lasted a few weeks, at most a month, and at that time, everything fell apart. My grades suffered, my music suffered, I got sick, and other things. This time around, my grades are better than they've been my whole life, I am progressing quite well in my music, and I'm less sick that I've ever been in my life. The only thing that's not in order is that I'm so miserable all the time. I'm at a loss of what to do.